Dancing With Our Hands Tied
by Basttiebeast
Summary: Both of them have lost enough for a lifetime, when their worlds collide, everyone around them begin to wonder: can they mend up the broken pieces of each other?
1. Circassian Sea

I watched my hands, and the imminent blood that flooded, I lost control again tonight. I swallowed as I raised my head to face the bartender, he was a complete stranger and his worried face started to sicken me _'pick a lowest place next time'_ , I said to myself as I turned my hands into fists.

-Well, that is enough buddy -Elliot's voice came from behind me as he grabbed my shoulder. I made a harsh move to brush his hand off. Don't touch me.

-Go -my voice sounded raspy and lame. I was a train wreck, I didn't mind to crash for good this time.

-Mom is...

-Worried about me -I spited out before I swallowed down the cheap whiskey the bartender handed me.

-We all are, Christian -he reached again but I backed down.

-Go back to Kate -I said while turning my back on him.

-At least let me get you across the street so they can check your hands -he insisted and I let out a sigh.

Everything seemed out of focus. The world was slow and monotonous, why did he care? They should give up by now, let me have my scape. I closed my eyes for a minute.

I woke up on a ER. The Grey Sloan Memorial ER. I sit straight as I watched my brother with fuming eyes. Grace better not be here.

-You fucking idiot I told you not to... -I begun to say as I stood up on my feet.

-Christian wait...

-I don't need your pity -I glared grabbing my jacket.

-Gentlemen -a blonde doctor greeted, the young resident by her side watched at my hands and as he took a step forward I took three back. Don't.

-I've got this -she said waving off the kid with big glasses. Elliot stood there watching her.

-Go to Kate -I said again starting to walk towards the exit. -And don't tell Grace. I'll tell Mrs Jones to help me out.

-Oh no, you're not going anywhere -the blonde insisted firmly.

I stoped. I fought my will to obey her voice. That voice touched something inside my throat, and that made me angry.

-I'll go home and keep my mouth shut, but please stay here and let her help you -Elliot negotiated and I turned around. -If you go I'll call mom, or Mia.

I stood there weighting my options while people started to pay more attention to us. I looked at one of the walls and took off my jacket as I walked back to sit on the ER bed.

He left and the doctor closed the curtains to give me some privacy. I sat on the bed and waited as she prepped everything. When she sat in front of me I really watched her for the first time, impossible blue eyes started back at me.

As blue as the Circassian sea, and I felt like I cloud drown on them. She was stuck on my throat, expanding on my chest. I broke visual contact and I began to observe how she carefully worked on my right hand without really touching me. I relaxed immediately. Thank you.

-I'm Meredith Grey -she said with a quiet voice, carefully stitching me up, I liked her already.

I laughed at the irony.

-Dr. Grey, I'm Christian -I smiled at her without even realising this was he first time in years I really did that genuinely.

-That I read on your chart Mr. Grey -she smiled back.

Her kind face made my breath stop. Her words made me want to run. I was there Frozen when I deserved to burn as Anastasia did years ago. The darkness crept back covering it all, _'I don't deserve her kind face and warm smile'_.

-I would pretty much like to go now...

Her smile faded as I quickly evaded her. ' _I have to get away now_ '. I dropped a couple of hundreds on the ER desk station and got away as fast as I could.


	2. Delicate

I woke up in the middle of the night, the room was pitch black and I was sweating despiste the cold weather. 'They are just dreams' I repeated to myself while slowly lying back to bed. I looked at the clock on the nightstand, only 5:28, after all almost morning.

Even thought I knew my kid wasn't home, I went to check on her room. Crayons and coloured paper sheets were on Phoebe's room, as she left them before she went to my parents house for the weekend.

I built up the courage to walk to Teddy's room that on the other hand was a complete different story, my dead son's room was a museum of all the things he loved and all the things he never had a real opportunity to be. Darkness and hatred tears came to me, I've hated my wife for dying since the accident, my beloved sweet Anastasia passed away taking Teddy with her in the process. All I saw in every dream was our house in flames, and Phoebe crying on the car seat in the back of the car. The numbness and impotence and how my brother hands locked around me, the sirens and my daughter being rushed to the hospital for intoxication. It's been two years, she doesn't remember any of it, Phoebe was a happy sweet kid who believed that some bird brought her over to the rooftop in the Escala. I've been keeping it that way. I watched the clock, it was 8 AM.

Taylor came and told me the car was ready, on the way to my parents house I prepared myself for a lousy Sunday. Every Sunday Mia made us reunite to give Phoebe a sense of stability and a big warm family, and I thanked her for that but lately, that was only dividing us more apart because I had to go home with a five years old who wouldn't stop asking why she didn't have a mom like Elliot's child, Ava or like her auntie Mia's child, Ryle. I didn't want to break her heart, but I would have to eventually.

-We are here, sir -Taylor was already holding the door for me.

-Thank you, Taylor -I said as I walked towards the entrance.

-Daddy! -Phoebe screamed as soon as I walked in. I smiled as I picked her tiny tutu self up and walked into the living room with her.

-I missed you, baby -I told her with a soft voice. She kissed my cheek and rested her head on my shoulder. Her skin felt warm.

I put my hand on her cheek, definitely warm.

-Stop the paranoia, Christian -Mia greeted waving off. -She's been running and playing since she was up.

-Where's Grace? -I asked ignoring her words.

-By the kitchen with Ava, Kate and Elliot are not here yet -she told me while picking up a sleepy Ryle from the couch.

I started to walk with my child towards my mom, worried to death.

-Mom, Phoebe is warm -I told her controlling my voice. But she knew I was getting desperate by the minute.

-Okay, let granny check -she cooed taking her from my arms. Ava observed with careful eyes, just like her mother.

Grace observed her eyes and examined her tummy, her face changed to a serious one when Phoebe suddenly said a tiny "ouch" and recoiled her touch.

-Get her to the hospital -she said looking me into the eyes. The fear creeped in. -It's her appy but we need to check to be sure.

-She's five -I told her as I picked Phoebs up.

-Is ok son, I'll meet you up at the Hospital.

-How could you miss this?

-Hospital now -she warned me with a finger. I glared and walked out with my kid. I took the car myself and told Taylor to ride with my mom as I buckled my daughter up.

I speeded up as fast as I could without scaring my child. As soon as we arrived to the hospital I took her in my arms and rushed her to the ER.

A skinny redhead came by my side and greeted me, her smily face made me angry.

-My daughter is sick. Get me the best god dam Surgeon in this Hospital now -I demanded without letting my child go.

-Let me help you out with her -she insisted but Phoebe held me tight. -I have to admit her.

-I have from here Dr Kepner -My mom's voice came from my back. -Thank you.

-Grace -she greeted as she walked away.

-Christian calm down -Grace warned me as she took Phoebe away to an examination room.

She started to run some tests as well as some ultrasounds, Phoebe was fascinated with all the things her grandma was using.

-Mr. Grey, you can't be here -Dr. Karev told me after telling me that Phoebe would need surgery.

-I don't want interns practice on her, I'll stay -I stated holding my ground.

-Don't be a child, she will be fine -my mother smiled. I looked at her like she had grown a third head.

-Phoebe is my only child, don't ask me not to...

-Phoebe is going to be all right -she told me again reaching for my hand.

Phoebe looked at me with worried eyes, I could not leave her. She reached for me and I forced myself to smile.

-Daddy's gotta go Phoebe -I told her with my best smile, the same I used every time I had to go and attend business. -Granda will stay with you, okay?

-I don't want you to go and save the world or other kids -she said upset.

-I'll be in the hospital, not going more away than that, but you gotta go with the doctors now Phoebe to fix you up.

She looked at Dr. Karev and then to my mom. He started to talk to her and made her laugh, I relaxed a little and stepped back.

I slowly walked out of the door and Made my wait to a waiting room.


End file.
